Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The sexy and not so sexy

 I love LOVE love the sexy people I work with. It’s comforting to have fellow friends who pack outfit changes and debate monthly to either pay their car payments or snatch up the newest Marc Jacobs bag.

Last Thursday we hit up West Hollywood and I’m 99% sure something found its way into my drink, leaving a 1% chance of an allergic reaction? I’ll leave it you to map out the probability. So for starters, Dear Jesus I’ve never seen so many gorgeous but sexually unavailable men all in one place. (Straight men, its time you step your game up, thank you.) The next part is an account told by Jennifer…..As I was being escorted to the car, our journey was interrupted by a guy who was yelling any kinds of madness from across the street. There was an exchanging of words between him and my friends which provoked him to then moon us. I have no recollection but I began yelling myself and upset the guy so much that he came running from across the street. He got in my face and repeatedly said, “Slap me, come on slap me.” I calmly reached into my purse and pulled out my 7 inch, match stick looking lighter and replied, “I’m not going to slap you, I’m going to light you on fire.” Speechless, he took a few steps back before turning around and leaving. I even waddled after him a few steps to prove this lunatic wasn’t messing around.  He must  have seen the Emily Rose that brewing inside of me. If this iccident had occurred 5 minutes later the disaster would have been all his.
Other NEAT things:
  • I learned how to use a dishwasher!! That’s 1 for me and 0 for my domestic disability.
  • In the next 11 months I plan to visit: Vegas (2), Canada, San Francisco, Spain, and Poland. This means I’ll be drinking faucet water and eating lettuce for the next year.
  • I was approached and given literature on how to join a Los Angeles, car club.
  •  I’m going to a wedding this Saturday and I’m beyond tickled over my outfit. I’ll eventually supply a photo but for now…I’ll be rocking a Nordstrom Rack dress ($6.20), Sample sale wedges ($10.00), and a Kathrine Baumann clutch ($2,895) Relationships are important, you never know how a good friend can get you such a piece on loan.
  • Matt loves his new job!
  • My two new favorite jams: Atlas Genius- Trojans and Adele- Last night (Strokes cover)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

For the peeps that don't believe

For some reason no one believes I met him...so I dug up the proof. Suck it, ya I said it. Sorry I look like a foot, I probably smelled like one too. I had just met Matt and decided to take a weekend long vacation in LA. If I make it rich or decide to sell my liver, I'll absolutely hire him to design my wedding dress:)

Friday, September 16, 2011

Let them eat cake!

I’m 24, awkward, and icky. I’m not one of those women who fear the increasing numerical value of their age but lately I’ve just felt misplaced. I know Brea is no longer my home and I’m struggling to adjust to the hustle and bustle of LA, therefore I am homeless. When the people I work with found out it was my birthday my age predictions ranged from 19 t0 26. A bunch of my Co-workers and I are planning a night out and one person asked if I was even 21. HA. I guess I’m homeless and ageless.

Besides all this I did have a perfect Birthweek. It all started with Friday’s celebration.  It was amazing to have so many friends and family all in one place. Thanks to all the people who showed up, bought us drinks, and drove us home. Favorite memories: trying a flaming MO, playing horseshoes in heels, the shirt Candice bought Christa (I’m not a lesbian but my girlfriend is), convincing Sarah I wasn’t too drunk for another shot, singing happy birthday (I promise to upload this miraculous video). Sometime around 1am I fell in the dirt and my mom and I decided it was time to leave.  My mom, aunt, Matt, and I all went on a late night run for Mexican food or at least that’s what I vaguely remember. The next morning Matt as well as the porch was covered in hot sauce.

The next night Matt took me for a steak dinner (such an old fashion gentleman) and on my actual birthday I ate a lot……

Durango's my FAV!!!!
Crumbs my other FAV!!!

Fam Shot!

And now quite possibly the best part of my birthday was the french bread fight. I once watched a clip from Jackass where the guys had a french bread fight on the lawn infront of the Effiel Tower. I've always thought it would me so fun soI headed to Stater Brothers and bought 6 french breads. For the full video of the fight check my facebook. I haven't laughed that had in so long and have rewatched the video at least 6 times.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I’ve been preparing for a major test and had unfortunately only slept for 3 hours, which lead to me waking up late and heading to school without changing.  Unexpectedly, God decided to part the 60 freeway and allow me to sail right through. This miracle permitted a quick stop by 7-11 for some good morning juice and a Homer Simpson donut (You know the cute sprinkled, pink ones?) The cashier approached me as I was pouring my coffee and asked if I was ok…. I guess the pajamas, uncombed hair, and red eyes gave me away…...Oh shucks.  He told me he could sense I needed help and said something in another language (a spell perhaps?) After I looked at him oddly he said that it was a saying in his culture to bring me luck. That luck kicked in immediately, he then ushered me over to the glass case with the rotating, over processed and over cooked food. He offered me one item for free and I gladly picked some type of mutant taquito off the conveyor belt. Once, I got to school tried to discretely eat food in the library without getting caught. I could sense someone behind me and thought I had certainly been busted when the person behind put a cherry Coke on my table and said “I just bought it but you should have it”. It happened to be this Asian kid I took Physics with last semester.  I took a compacted course with the lab portion immediately following the lecture. In order to stay awake I’d always come prepared with coffee, sodas, and treats to keep me fueled. One day I happened to bring two sodas and he kept glaring at them with coveting eyes until he straight out asked if he could have one. He then explained that his parents wouldn’t let him have sugar, caffeine, or even the freedom of carrying money in fear that they couldn’t monitor how he spent it. I agreed he could have my Coke under the condition that he use his brain for good and help me with homework.  Five cokes later I told him that it was time he make his own freedom and tutor other students onside.  He told me he had taken my advice and that he had bought the Coke with his new earns and was about to chug it when he saw me. Further proof of increasing good luck…..I’d say so.
I love the odd balls I meet!
On a more exciting note Matt made me an amazing last meal of my 23rd year of life and Joann surpised me with a sweet gift.  I've been feeling the love this week:)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Triple Threat!!!

September has arrived!!
(1st Annual Triple Threat)
Check out this sequence:
Candice 23, 9-9-88
Jessica 24, 9-13-87
Christa 25, 9-17-86
For those who don't do well with recognizing patterns, we're born  4 days and one year after the next. Is this a message from the cosmos, perhaps? Or an excuse from the party gods, allowing us to host a combined party each year? My vote is for both. I hope you will be joining our 3rd Annual Triple Threat celebration this Friday at Hedz or Tales!! Let's get together and make some mad decisions, and then I can write about them:)

Never doubt a 5'8 woman that rocks 4 inch heels on the daily. Every time we go out there's either a Big Black or Lil Wayne wanna be trying to buy her a Bentley. True story, and yes multiple offers have been made. It must be because she's a loyal friend, free spirited, musical melting pot, and whiskey drinking bad ass. She's also the second person to get ink in my honor (winning!!). Christa, we've laughed, cried, and grown up together. In the brightest and darkest moments of my life you've always been my light and stood strongly by my side. You have and will always be family, love you.

CANDICE WILLIS (formally know as Gregory)
My best memories with Candice come from the semester we took ROP Auto. We had no business in that class but I guess at that age being the only girls in a class of 50 guys was entirely our business. Plus, our teacher only required we attend 30mins of the 3 hour class, so routinely we’d picked up Christa, drove around town, visited other friends, ate In-N-Out and rocked out to music. On July 30th I had the pleasure of watching her marry the man of her dreams. She's the most kind hearted girl you'll ever meet and truly deserves all the happiness in the world. Much love and Emo Nuggets (inside joke).

 I never thought that I, the same girl whose father nicknamed her Jessie James would turn into such an emotional cheese ball! Very fitting name, I suppose, after all as a child I wanted to be a professional boxer, enjoyed watching movies like Blood Sport, and whenever my Dad tried to discipline me I'd just giggle.... oh the memories. Now back to the emotional stuff, I am such a blessed girl and I am so thankful for the lasting friendships I have. I love you ladies and I can't wait for Friday's debauchery!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


For those of you who don't know Vanessa, she's an amazing mother, honors student, accomplice, and most loyal Amiga. She's the sad eyes to my little joker (inside joke). I'm so grateful for the memories we've shared: the good, the bad, and sometimes foggy. Last night and the early part of this morning we celebrated our 10 anniversary with a tour of downtown and Hollywood.
Yummy cotton candy from Saddle ranch, compliments of the Manager. Fun Fact: their show was completely casted and Vanessa was actually asked to audition.

This is our new mate from Australia.
 After a few cocktails and entertaining encounters we relocated to 7 Grand. It's a whiskey bar ( YUMMY) that comes complete with adorable bar tenders donning Prohibition style dress (DOUBLE YUMMY). They have a huge whiskey selection ranging from your average Jack Daniel's and Marker's Mark to a selection that could put you back a good 500 buckaroos!

Once we got back to my place we drank ourselves to death, well almost or at least that is what it still feels like....
After we woke up, chugged some water, and downed a few Advil we made our way to this fine ass establishment and devoured these monsters.

I know this makes us sound similar to an old married couple but thanks for the past 10 years and I can't wait for more!