Sunday, January 13, 2013

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This...

   I believe that somewhere in a land far far away there is a large wooden table where mythical and legendary creatures like The Fates, Mother Nature, Easter Bunny, and Chupacabra gather to pick humans to mess with. Sometime around January 2nd they leaned over their crystal ball, shuffled their tarot cards, and selected my poor soul.

   The unfortunate events began with my new IPad dying at the paws of my kitten, continued with a freeway collusion between myself and a flying toolbox and ended with a naked women eating a sandwich near my shower. Do I have your attention yet? Ya, I thought that last one would do it. Showers. Boobs. Sandwich. Let me tell you about this ridiculous happening. After a monster work out, I headed to the completely empty shower room and started undressing. Out of nowhere a random Asian woman trespasses into my personal space. If I didn't already make it completely clear the shower room is empty. At this point, the intruder begins to start stripping down, whipping her long hair against my shoulder, and dancing like it's 1999 within inches of me. I don't know what possessed her to dance so wildly, since there was no music and she wasn't wearing any headphones. I guess the sound track of life is popping. Since I wasn't feeling her "up in the club" vibe, I hopped in the shower and attempted a quick escape. When I came out I couldn't believe my eyes when I found a half eaten sandwich nestled in my gym pants. Disgusting, right? No, not yet. Homegirl then came out of shower and without hesitation picked up the sandwich and continued to eat it. I had no words and still don't. I'm not lying and I still wish I was. While blow drying my hair I began to reflect on the situation and began getting heated over and the things I could of and should of said. When I finally began the mental healing I looked myself in mirror only to see her finishing off her last bite in the right corner.

So, Mythical and Legendary Creatures....Well played, not only was your mission successful but you took it to whole another level by sending one of your own.